Snipers in my Brain

It's another bleak Tuesday. Gray skies. I'm trying to subvert the sadness by wearing a dress. It isn't helping so far. Cute shoes, too. Big deal.

The problem is the harridans have moved back into my head and threaten to take up long term residence. I've been silencing them off and on all morning. The crisis with my dog last week clarified a couple of conditions which seem to wake up the snipers in my brain. Sleep deprivation is one of them; extreme stress the other. I got enough sleep last night and I don't feel particularly stressed. Not that that means anything, of course. I'm not very capable of recognizing stress until it renders me sick and incapable of getting out of bed for a week or so.

My dad's birthday is next Monday. Maybe I'm just getting the festivities started early. Last week I'm hanging on to my anger, though, and haven't gotten sidetracked into how he must have felt just before he pulled the trigger. Going in that direction will lead to certain self recrimination and sadness.

Maybe there will be more to say later.