sick dogs and sick priests
02.15.05 (3:06 pm) [edit]
what an incredibly long day. i was up at four this morning with a sick husky. he couldn't stand up and when i helped him stand up, his back legs were shaking. i thought he might be having extremely low blood sugar, which is life threatening. i gave him some honey in case that was the problem. i then left him in the den because i thought he'd settled in and was going to go back to sleep. a little while later, i heard him fall down the two steps that go from my dining room to my living room. i got up and helped him up again. to prevent him from falling again, i held my hands underneath his chest and tummy while he walked around the living room a bit. finally he was able to walk on his own. then we wanted to go out, so i let him out in the backyard and stayed at the door to make sure he didn't get into trouble. he did his business without problems and got back up the two steps leading into my den. by the time 6 a.m. rolled around, he was ready to have some food. i fed him, gave him his liver medication, his arthritis medication and his insulin injection. when i went home for lunch, he was back to normal.
i was going to write about the shanley thing, but my emotions are a bit close to the edge today because of sleep deprivation. i think i need to have a little time to examine more closely the conflicting feelings he evokes. i definitely felt sad for him as they put the handcuffs on him. i wondered if he would survive in prison...i suspected he wondered the same thing. this is the same guy who had positive things to say about nambla. it's stunning to me that i could feel sorry for him. when i think about what he said to that little boy..."they won't beleive you if you tell," i think whatever happens to him in prison will not be sufficient pennance. i spent a lot of this trial wondering if he actually even believes in god. when jesus said, "suffer the children to come unto me," did he think it was so jesus could stick his finger up the little children's butts? being roman catholic, i'm sure he's confessed and received forgiveness. i wonder if he believes that lets him off the hook morally.
that trial, along with the jackson trial just beginning, is a powerful catalyst to think about my own sexual abuse. last week during therapy i talked about recognizing that, at some level, i still believe i was the cause of the sexual abuse i endured. i also discover that i'm afraid that my mom will think i was the cause. my intellect knows that's not true. unfortunately, intellect doesn't cancel out the part of me that was brainwashed by the perpetrator. i hate the way that feels.
here's the quote of the day:
"Compassion is the basis of morality." ~Arnold Schopenhauer
america held hostage day 1861
bushism of the day;
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."—LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
website of the day: The Hindu Universe
http://www.hindunet.org/" title="http://www.hindunet.org/" target="_blank"http://www.hindunet.org/
i was going to write about the shanley thing, but my emotions are a bit close to the edge today because of sleep deprivation. i think i need to have a little time to examine more closely the conflicting feelings he evokes. i definitely felt sad for him as they put the handcuffs on him. i wondered if he would survive in prison...i suspected he wondered the same thing. this is the same guy who had positive things to say about nambla. it's stunning to me that i could feel sorry for him. when i think about what he said to that little boy..."they won't beleive you if you tell," i think whatever happens to him in prison will not be sufficient pennance. i spent a lot of this trial wondering if he actually even believes in god. when jesus said, "suffer the children to come unto me," did he think it was so jesus could stick his finger up the little children's butts? being roman catholic, i'm sure he's confessed and received forgiveness. i wonder if he believes that lets him off the hook morally.
that trial, along with the jackson trial just beginning, is a powerful catalyst to think about my own sexual abuse. last week during therapy i talked about recognizing that, at some level, i still believe i was the cause of the sexual abuse i endured. i also discover that i'm afraid that my mom will think i was the cause. my intellect knows that's not true. unfortunately, intellect doesn't cancel out the part of me that was brainwashed by the perpetrator. i hate the way that feels.
here's the quote of the day:
"Compassion is the basis of morality." ~Arnold Schopenhauer
america held hostage day 1861
bushism of the day;
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."—LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
website of the day: The Hindu Universe
http://www.hindunet.org/" title="http://www.hindunet.org/" target="_blank"http://www.hindunet.org/
