Living With Cancer: You Don't Know Until You Get There
I just wrote a lengthy post about Ted Koppel's documentary, "Living With Cancer," that was on the Discovery channel last night. (The post went flying out to Internet Purgatory.) The documentary will be aired again tonight at 8:00 Eastern time. If you have a friend or family member who has cancer, this program can be very helpful.
Leroy Sievers is Ted Koppel's best friend. He is dying of colon cancer that metastasized to several parts of his body. He is in Stage 4. That diagnosis almost inevitably ends in death. Elizabeth Edwards (who participated in the town hall meeting shown after the documentary) has Stage 4 breast cancer. No matter where the cancer travels, it will always be colon cancer or breast cancer. Just in a different location.
I can't imagine suffering through the treatments only to postpone death. We're all going to die, but some of us have medical proof that we're going to die sooner rather than later. There will be an end to Christmas lights, an end to friendships, to all of those daily things we tend to take for granted.
Since about halfway through chemotherapy, I've been almost certain that I would not choose to go through it again. Even if it meant dying. Of course, when I was first diagnosed, I thought I would refuse chemo and radiation. In retrospect that was profoundly naive. So maybe I would do another round of chemo, another round of radiation. I guess that's just one of those things you don't know until you get there.
All of the people at the town hall meeting were either currently being treated or had been treated for cancer. Without exception, everyone could see some positive things about having cancer. It certainly changes your perspective and clarifies priorities. It measures the level of inner strength you possess. I have attained heretofore unknown amounts of suffering. I care less now about how my hair is looking every day than to celebrate having any hair.
Cancer changes everything. It robbed me of all of the things I thought defined me. I'm trying to get some of them back. Some of them were inaccurate measures of who I am and needed to be left behind. Some of them are things that frustrate me, make me angry and cause me great sadness. Nonetheless, I'm still here. That's a lot. I know that I will live every day until I die and I will learn to love whoever replaces the person I used to be. No matter how hard that may be.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 05.07.07 (1:06 pm)
I am glad you're around! And I think you are great!
posted by: gillymac (reply)
post date: 05.07.07 (2:25 pm)
As usual you inspire me to be a better person and see the bigger picture.
Thank you ggirl. Thank you for everything you say that gives me hope and encourages me.
The person you are now is wonderful either in spite of or because of everything you have endured in your life. Either way, you are terrific.
Big hugs right back at ya from this side of the puddle.
posted by: FinalyFree (reply)
post date: 05.07.07 (7:28 pm)
I did watch the special on Discovery last night, and the one before it with Lance Armstrong. He said something toward the end of the program that really struck me, he [more or less] said that he wasn't bitter about his battle with cancer in fact I think he said he wouldn't change a thing about his life. I had to ponder that for a long time, I'm still thinking about it. While I haven't myself had cancer my sister and grandmother have. And last summer while I was bed-ridden due to being so ill from a medication I was taking I felt very much like a cancer patient taking chemo. While I was going through that I told myself I'd never want to endure that kind of sickness again, but if faced with cancer, I don't know. It's easy for me to say that since it hasn't happened. But people like you, who bravely face the disease every day of your life inspire me. I can't imagine years of feeling like I did for months last year, and my hat's off to you and all cancer survivors.
You are an incredibly strong woman and I hope for you many healthy days and many years loving the person you are each day when you wake up :)
posted by: ggirl (reply)
post date: 05.08.07 (8:21 am)
Reply to:
Thank you, gillymac. You make me smile *all the time*! I hope all is well with you, healthwise and otherwise. Take care!
posted by: apyjo (reply)
post date: 05.08.07 (9:19 am)
I can't even imagine dealing with cancer, ggirl.
I am dealing with overweight health related issues( mostly of my own making with some pesky genes thrown in), and I am determined to solve as many of them as I can .
I also know that our control only extends so far, our body does what it wantsa good chunk of the time anyway...
((Hugs 4U))
I'm sorry that you have been forced to deal with this , but am glad that you are seeing success.
You sure do rock !
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 05.08.07 (7:16 pm)
gillymac says it well. I'm inspired by your honesty and your strength.
Tonight I had a 7:00 appointment to visit in the home of someone who had expressed an interest in my church. I confirmed the appointment earlier today. I knocked and knocked, and no one came to the door. That irritated me. Later in the evening someone from the household called. They found my card in the door. The man I was supposed to talk with tonight was in the hospital, having attempted suicide. I had met him, and found him to be a bit "different", but never thought he was so troubled. I share all of that simply to say we need, all of us, to be patient and gentle with those around us because we really don't know how tough life may be for them.
