Get a Cookie. Or Two.
"Our own physical body possesses a wisdom which we who inhabit the body lack. We give it orders which make no sense. ~ Henry Miller
As I stepped on the bathroom scales this morning, I thought, "I should never be allowed to own one of these things." It makes me crazy. I need to gain weight, but every day I step up and note, with some satisfaction, that I haven't gained any more weight. (That means I get to have a cookie later on. Maybe two.)
I have absolutely no sense of perspective about weight. None. I've really tried hard to get comfortable with my body, no matter how much it weighs. I think of it as a political statement. Madison Avenue should not be allowed to make women feel inadequate. I don't think that was the cause of my weight obsession, but it probably exacerbated it.
Last year, I weighed more than I ever have in my life. I weighed 140 pounds. I'm 5'5 3/4" tall. (Oh my god, that was so brave to say that!) It was the steroids during chemo that caused it. Even knowing that, though, I was in a panic. As I started radiation treatment, all I could think of was that I had to get back to my target weight.
I actually got to my target weight a couple of weeks after I started radiation treatment. Having lost an additional 10 pounds, though, I'm entertaining the idea that maybe I could get down to 115. I weighed 115 forever, but it's been a decade since that forever ended. Why not be satisfied with where I am?
Because I'm just fucking crazy about the weight thing. I got the scales so I could make sure I didn't continue the weight loss trend. I know I shouldn't continue to lose weight. I guess the good news is that I haven't.
Somebody come over and take the damn scales away from me. As if anyone could. Or having taken them, as if I wouldn't just start to get even crazier.
Maybe I should go get a cookie now. Or two. It might not make me less compulsive, but I might feel a little better while I'm eating them. Mmmmm...chocolate.
Bushism of the day:
"The best way to defeat the totalitarian of hate is with an ideology of hope—an ideology of hate—excuse me—with an ideology of hope."—Fort Benning, Ga., Jan. 11, 2007
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 03.29.07 (11:12 am)
Eat your cookies and throw away the scale! YEEEEEAH!
posted by: Cutter (reply)
post date: 03.29.07 (11:17 am)
Y'know, it's interesting... I pictured you as being much taller. I guess it says something about the way your energy comes across to me. (I like "short" though. Short people ROCK. ...myself included. ;))
posted by: doeeyed (reply)
post date: 03.30.07 (7:02 am)
Aren't weight issues the bugger! If I put on a pound or two
I get insane about it.
Rosie had a good idea!
Oh and Cutter...hooohaaa, short people DO ROCK! ;)
Just be healthy :)
posted by: bronwynj (reply)
post date: 04.01.07 (12:17 am)
What the ****?!
I'm 5'5", & weighed 140lbs as a healthy teenager, in _high school_, and at a US size 10 I was _not_ fat!
In another post you've mentioned that you've been warned by a health professional not to lose any more weight, remember?!
Are you as confused by your weight issues as I am?
posted by: bronwynj (reply)
post date: 04.01.07 (12:20 am)
Reply to: Cutter
Ahem...5'5 3/4" tall is not short for a woman, it's _medium_ height. It's short for a man, however.
The up side for you, Cutter, is that short men are easier to waltz with, generally speaking. :-)
posted by: Cutter (reply)
post date: 04.01.07 (4:22 am)
Reply to: bronwynj
oops. That was my bad. At the time, I read, "5'3" :\
