Welcome to my World
Hubby and I seem to be in the midst of a disagreement. I say "seem to be" because I'm not angry with him, but he left yesterday without a hug and didn't call me as he usually does at lunchtime. I'm alternately hurt and infuriated. Of course, those tend to be my predominant emotions all the time, so I guess it's just business as usual for me.
Hubby has a new job that started last Monday. He had a previously scheduled performance responsibility on Saturday, so he went in late to work on Friday. I think it was about an hour and a half. The performance went well, by all accounts. I couldn't go because I'm still in daily pain and I get worn out very quickly. My stepson came to town for the performance and they spent some time running around together. Stepson came by to spend about an hour with me.
Hubby mentioned over the weekend that he thought he was getting a cold. Monday, he went to work as usual. On Tuesday, as he walked through the living room sniffling, he told me that if he wasn't feeling better in a couple of hours, he was going to call in sick. "I'll just knock this thing (the cold) out," he said. I was feeling optimistic and didn't take the comment too seriously.
I went to work and, when I got back, I went upstairs to see how he was feeling. There he was, lying in bed without a stitch clothing on, huddled up under the blankets. "I have a little temperature. I'm not going in today. I already called my manager." I turned around and walked out of the room. They're in the middle of training and last week, he called to tell me he didn't think he could get the system. That's excellent. Perfect time to take to the bed.
Around 4:00 (when he should have just gotten to work), I went upstairs, told him my mom was going to the grocery store and asked if he needed soup. Hubby requested chicken noodle. I just couldn't stand it. I told him that I was very unhappy that he was staying home. I pointed out that I've worked through chemo, radiation and I'm beginning to transition back to full time after my reconstruction surgery.
I went back downstairs, my mom left to go to the grocery store and then I heard the water in the bathroom running. He took a bath, got dressed and left without even making a sandwich. I'm pretty sure I was supposed to feel badly about this.
Yesterday, I asked him how he was feeling and he said "bad." Note that he did not ask me how I was feeling. Later, he was at the computer and I went over to rub his shoulders. I mentioned that I have a bit of a sore throat, too.
As he was getting his stuff together, I got some tiny packs of Kleenex and dropped them in his brief case when he was out of the room. He got ready, and said, "I'll see you tomorrow," as he walked out the door.
As I noted before, I was alternately infuriated and heartbroken. I keep trying to stay with that angry thing, because I think that's probably the saner reaction. He clearly doesn't understand that grown up boys and girls have to go to work when they're a little sick. If they have the flu, they get to stay home, but for a cold or hay fever? No. Apparently I'm a bitch for pointing this out to him in the nicest way I could. Trust me when I tell you I could have been brutal when I found him holed up in bed.
I'm not sure whether he just thinks I'm angry and isn't interacting because of that. I was friendly and concilliatory, though, so I doubt that's the case.
I considered writing him a note and leaving it on the kitchen counter, asking if he's angry with me. I vetoed that thought every time it came up last night. Or I could just leave a note that says: "Hate your job? Bored? Not feeling well? Welcome to my world."
posted by: LadyG (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (8:10 am)
Apparently he didn't like hearing the truth. Glad you are feeling better.Ignore his actions, he will come around.
posted by: doeeyed (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (9:11 am)
Bless your heart, you have enough on your plate. You don't
need this too. I hope he bucks up and just gets over it.
Please take care of YOU!
posted by: FinalyFree (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (9:54 am)
Well you know, when your husband (or basically any other man) is sick there's NEVER been anyone as sick or feeling as bad as he is. EVER. No offense guys, but you all do not do good with any type of sickness. Don't get me wrong, we women have our faults but there are some things that we handle better, sickness generally being one of them.
I've dealt with a lot of my own medical problems too, and I do tend to let my hubby whine more than he rightfully deserves, but we have had occasions just like what you're going through and usually I don't beg for forgiveness--I just let him work through his mad 'spell' and we both forget about it.
Hope you both are feeling better soon :)
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (11:09 am)
Seems like your hubby was a little miffed that you didn't dote on his hooooorrrrible sickness *L* Bah, he'll get over it.
posted by: (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (1:38 pm)
Sounds like he might be depressed not in a "depressed about" kind of way but maybe in a "moodswing" kind of way ... men do not deal with depression very well because they usually don't even realize it's happening!!! & take it out on the rest of the world very often...
You're on the other side of the pond aren't you? I mean the American side. On this side Blair is seen as Bush's pet who does all Bush asks ... not an original view AT ALL, but it does seem weirdly true (well on our side, anyhow).
Last & by no means least re the Nasty C my mum had that she's now on various chemicals. It didn't sound as complicated as yours ... I don't know the details ... What I really wanted to say was we're all rooting for you so don't you forget it!
posted by: Gledwood (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (1:38 pm)
gggrrr that was me who said that but my idiot computer wiped my name or I did ...
posted by: consciousphobic (reply)
post date: 02.08.07 (4:46 pm)
I do beleive I would leave him the note...."Hate your job? Bored? Not feeling well? Welcome to my world."
But that's just ME!
I'm sending good thoughts and wishes your way :) :)
posted by: bronwynj (reply)
post date: 02.16.07 (5:12 pm)
ggirl, I am astounded that you are going to work now, & that you have just about all through your ordeals! Why on earth are you pushing yourself so hard? - especially in a job you hate?
Is being a workaholic what has affected your health in the first place, I'm wondering?
People who are so hard on themselves are often also hard on others.
How sympathetic & empathetic, kind & helpful has your husband been towards you, throughout your health problems? If he's been wonderful, you might consider sookying him up a little (giving him tlc) when he's feeling crook?
I know what you mean about men being such sooks when they have a cold or other minor ailment, however, have you noticed that it's the men who really look after themselves, generally, & the women who go on & on & on, despite hardships? We make a rod for our own backs.
I've also found that men will keep taking advantage of their wives, expecting you to carry on as usual, taking care of them & the house (& working outside the home too!), unless when we're ill we actually take to our beds & stay there! Unfortunately we rarely get to eat if we stay in bed while we're sick!
Gosh, I'd better stop thinking about this right now before I hate all men!
