Abandon All Hope

"I long to accomplish a great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker." ~ Helen Keller

I've abandoned hope for the job.  The problem, of course, is the fact that he hasn't had a "regular" job in 20 years.  Would you hire him?  Probably not.  I mean, when I've interviewed people who've been away from the job market for much shorter times, I've been concerned about their ability to deal with other employees (which can be so challenging) and whether they will actually even show up every day. 

He's found another job online for which he plans to submit a resume.  It's a development job.  Hubby did some minor development-related work many, many years ago.  He will be competing with people who already have jobs, most of which are probably in a similar capacity.  Hubby doesn't see this and was talking up the advantages of this job over the one he didn't get.  It's close to home, for instance.  I'm just going to have to break down and tell him --again--about how the job market works.  He probably wouldn't even get an interview for this job.

He just needs to get a temp job and work there for six months or so to establish a new track record.  I've told him that many times, but he still won't apply at a temp agency.  He thinks he should be earning more money than most temp jobs pay.  Or rather, most temp jobs he could get.  His computer skills are very minimal.  At this point, I think he should apply at places like Starbuck's or HEB (our local grocery store), but he doesn't want to risk the possibility that his friends will see him doing menial (he believes) work.  That really pisses me off.

Aside from laziness, I don't understand why it feels better for him to continue to make me support him than to get a job--any job.  Working here has been humiliating and demoralizing for me.  I can't not work here, especially now that I have this ongoing breast cancer thing.  I don't have the luxury of deciding some job isn't good enough for me.  He has someone to depend on.  I have me.

I'm really depressed about it this morning.  And I'm depressed that we're going to have that same talk I've been having with him for a year or so.  Furthermore, he doesn't contribute at all to housecleaning chores.  He doesn't try to train Wolf.  He won't learn to cook.  Somebody please get a gun and shoot me.

Shooting.  That reminds me of the looming anniversary of my dad's suicide.  That contributes to my depression, even though I may not be actively thinking of it.  Last night, sort of out of the blue, I started remembering the final six months of his life.  It always breaks my heart.  It breaks my heart even though I know it was, in part, cowardly to leave my mom and me to struggle to continue. We had to deal with the financial fallout he decided to escape.  Thinking about this is just too overwhelming today.  

Today is one of those days when I can't figure out why I struggled so hard to get through cancer treatment.  I guess one of the answers is that it hurt less physically than dying of metastasized breast cancer would.  

I guess I'll get started working on my project.  At least it's a distraction. 

America held hostage day 1706

Bushism of the day:

"My job is to, like, think beyond the immediate." ~ Washington, D.C. April 21, 2004