Dreams

Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top. ~ Virginia Woolf

I did yoga last night for the first time in weeks.  During the final weeks of radiation, the pain was too intense to engage in any physical activity, even yoga.  Unfortunately, I forgot that physical exercise, including yoga, gets me out of my head and releases the emotions that have been buried under all of the thinking.  It gave me access to the profound sadness in my life at this point.

I have to process all of the emotions that have been pushed aside so that I could summon the will to get through the rigors of treatment.  I'm still mourning the loss of my beloved dog. 

I'm also mourning the loss of my beautiful gold feral kitty.  I don't think he's dead because he's been around for at least a decade now.  He leaves periodically and has been gone, at times, for as long as a year.  Sooner or later, he comes back to me.  In the past he's returned when he's needed food. 

This time he stayed a really long time and opened himself to love.  He came up to me and solicited affection.  I was profoundly touched.  I had hoped he wouldn't leave again, but he did.  Maybe it's because we have a new batch of kittens.  Maybe when they're old enough for me to grab, take to the vet and have them given good homes, he'll feel like returning.  

I dreamed about him last night.  I dreamed that we adopted a new dog.  I awoke to the reality of sadness and loss.

America held hostage day 1629

Bushism of the day:

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005