Euthanasia
Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
& nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; ; & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; ~Edna St. Vincent Millay
What a crappy week. Radiation continues and I'm constantly very fatigued. I've been working about four hours a day, then I go home and try to rest. Unfortunately, rest hasn't been on my agenda this week. One of my beloved huskies, Ruskie the Mighty Tuskie, is very elderly. He has diabetes and terrible arthritis in his back legs. I've spent the best portion of my time away from work trying to get him to eat.
You name it, I've tried it. Roast beef, chicken, swiss cheese, american cheese, hot dogs, sausage, turkey and tuna. Every day he eats less and less. Yesterday after about four hours, I got him to eat some tuna with mayo. His bedtime meal was Swiss cheese and turkey. He must eat so that I can give him his insulin. I'm not even sure that he's getting enough insulin, but if I had to guess, I'd say probably not.
This morning I came to the conclusion that I will have to have him euthanized. I kept hoping that he would start to feel better, but there doesn't seem to be much hope for that. I love him so muchf and it breaks my heart to do this. I so wish to do the right thing for him. Euthanasia hardly ever seems like the right thing to do.
I called his vet this morning to tell her about the situation, but I haven't heard from her yet. I have to leave for radiation in about half an hour.
While I was taking a shower this morning, I thought a lot about suffering. If I were truly following Buddhist ideas, I probably should not have him euthanized. On the other hand, I have a hard time justifying his continued suffering. I remembered that everything eventually leads to suffering. Animals, just like humans, will lose everything they love at some point. Losing what we love creates suffering. That doesn't give me much comfort right now.
