What Went Wrong
"... everything in nature is lyrical in its ideal essence, tragic in its fate, and comic in its existence." ~ George Santayana
Here's something odd. My horoscope today says to forget what went wrong. I don't think I can do that. Just to backtrack a bit, I lost my mother's keys in my house two weeks ago and still haven't located them. I was only in two rooms. I fear I may have thrown them in the trash.
Yesterday I noticed that I lost my marcasite ring. It didn't fall off my hand; it was too snug. No, I took it off somewhere, but I can't imagine where or why. I've looked everywhere and I guess I'm just out of luck.
At my radiation appointment on Tuesday, the oncologist got really worried about these nodes that seem to come and go on my skin in the treatment area. He and the nurse were very somber about it and told me they were "hoping" everything was okay. You can imagine how that hit me. I didn't want to think it was nothing, because the last time I thought it was nothing it was really something. On the other hand, I was trying hard to not obsess and worry about it. He sent me to see a surgeon Wednesday morning. The surgeon took a look and told me to see a dermatologist. He didn't think it was the return of cancer.
Meanwhile, I'm still eating at home. I hate that. I want my old life back. Hubby has dug us into a financial hole so deep that I can't see my way out of it. I'm planning to make some inroads by using breast cancer slush fund money, but I can't be sure that strategy is going to result in getting the old life back. Radiation is making me lose my appetite and when I look in the refrigerator, it only confirms the sense that maybe I should just skip food altogether. Unfortunately, I have to eat. I'm supposed to be keeping my strength up so that the body can keep replenishing the cells killed by radiation. As I sit here, I'm down to my last two prunes. I ate one of those oatmeal cookie healthy things. I hate trying to be healthy.
Thank God for the NBA.
America held hostage day 1570
Bushism of the day: "He can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road."
