I am not 2/6/06
"The pain of the mind is worse than the pain of the body." ~ Publiliius Syrus
Note: This post was written on February 6, 2006.
I am not
my breasts
my hair
my face
my brain function
Cancer is teaching me this lesson. I don’t have much interest in learning it. These are hard times, when the sum of all of the suffering I’ve endured in my life thrusts itself into my consciousness. I believe that all things happen for a reason. I believe that what is is meant to be, moment by moment. In some respects, those beliefs shield me a bit from the need to find reason or meaning in my own suffering.
Lately, I have accepted fully the fact that not all people share the same burden of suffering. I just never believed it could be true that some people manage to have happy lives. It was not a welcome revelation.
Some people have happy childhoods. I mean seriously happy childhoods. It’s completely unimaginable.
The current suffering includes fatigue and volatile emotions. Two of my most favorite things. Fatigue just doesn't generally apply to me. In more normal times, I'm the queen of high energy. It's like death--we all recognize the inevitability, we just don't think it applies to us. ("normal times." How do those two words ever apply to my life?)
