The Blame Game
09.21.05 (12:44 pm) [edit]
"... whether they're just scared as hell, or whether they're just telling you to stop so that if you do go through with it, the blame'll be on you, not them. ..." ~ The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger
My mom and I just had a small disagreement about my childhood. It started innocently enough. I was complaining about the many parents I see who refuse to be parents. They attempt to plead, wheedle and bribe their children into doing/not doing things. I said that if one doesn't have control of them when they're five, parents are in major trouble when the kids get to puberty. My mom pointed out that she did not have control of me when I was five. Never fails to ruffle my feathers when she says that shit.
I said, "Of course you had control. That's not to say that I didn't try to get what I wanted, because I know I did. We seem to have very different memories of my childhood. I remember getting hit a lot."
Mom says, "Well, I thought that time your dad spanked you for walking home in the rain was wrong." Gee, thanks for that concession, Mom.
Here's the incident to which she was referring. I was in the third grade, which would make me around nine years old. My mom always came to pick me up after school every day. On this particular day, it was raining like crazy and the teachers decided to let us leave early that day. I stood there, waiting and waiting in the rain. I honestly have no idea how long I stood there because I was nine.
I finally decided that my mom wasn't going to come and get me. I'd had abandonment dreams for years and years in which I would arrive home from school only to find that my parents had moved away and not told me. I thought the dream had finally come true. The rain was pouring down and we lived a long way from my school, but I started trudging home.
I was almost there, maybe a couple of blocks away, when my parents pulled up alongside of me and I got in the car. My father was furious. When we got home, he whipped me for leaving the school. My mother said she tried to impress upon him the importance of picking me up on time. In retrospect, I think it was just another one of those times when my dad shifted the blame to me so that he wouldn't have to feel responsible for that poor little drowned rat of a girl, slogging several miles in ankle deep water. What a prince.
America held hostage day 1355
Bushism of the day:
"Wait for us to succeed peace. Wait for us to have two states, side by side—is for everybody coming together to deny the killers the opportunity to destroy."
—Bush, speaking to reporters
Source: The White House, "President Believes Peace in Middle East is Achievable: Remarks by the President to the Travel Pool," June 15, 2003
Website of the day: To Think or To Follow
http://www.2think.org/2think.shtml" title="http://www.2think.org/2think.shtml" target="_blank"http://www.2think.org/2think....
My mom and I just had a small disagreement about my childhood. It started innocently enough. I was complaining about the many parents I see who refuse to be parents. They attempt to plead, wheedle and bribe their children into doing/not doing things. I said that if one doesn't have control of them when they're five, parents are in major trouble when the kids get to puberty. My mom pointed out that she did not have control of me when I was five. Never fails to ruffle my feathers when she says that shit.
I said, "Of course you had control. That's not to say that I didn't try to get what I wanted, because I know I did. We seem to have very different memories of my childhood. I remember getting hit a lot."
Mom says, "Well, I thought that time your dad spanked you for walking home in the rain was wrong." Gee, thanks for that concession, Mom.
Here's the incident to which she was referring. I was in the third grade, which would make me around nine years old. My mom always came to pick me up after school every day. On this particular day, it was raining like crazy and the teachers decided to let us leave early that day. I stood there, waiting and waiting in the rain. I honestly have no idea how long I stood there because I was nine.
I finally decided that my mom wasn't going to come and get me. I'd had abandonment dreams for years and years in which I would arrive home from school only to find that my parents had moved away and not told me. I thought the dream had finally come true. The rain was pouring down and we lived a long way from my school, but I started trudging home.
I was almost there, maybe a couple of blocks away, when my parents pulled up alongside of me and I got in the car. My father was furious. When we got home, he whipped me for leaving the school. My mother said she tried to impress upon him the importance of picking me up on time. In retrospect, I think it was just another one of those times when my dad shifted the blame to me so that he wouldn't have to feel responsible for that poor little drowned rat of a girl, slogging several miles in ankle deep water. What a prince.
America held hostage day 1355
Bushism of the day:
"Wait for us to succeed peace. Wait for us to have two states, side by side—is for everybody coming together to deny the killers the opportunity to destroy."
—Bush, speaking to reporters
Source: The White House, "President Believes Peace in Middle East is Achievable: Remarks by the President to the Travel Pool," June 15, 2003
Website of the day: To Think or To Follow
http://www.2think.org/2think.shtml" title="http://www.2think.org/2think.shtml" target="_blank"http://www.2think.org/2think....
posted by: MissJane (reply)
post date: 09.21.05 (11:03 am)
sad post
posted by: unomee (reply)
post date: 10.04.05 (6:27 am)
You're exactly right about the responsibility shifting. I'm certain of it. I see it every day in varying degrees, but it's the absolute worst when it's done to a child by a parent.
